Serenity

8/10/17: I swear to God I’ve experienced every single human emotion in the past 24 hours, all at the same time. It all started in nutrition…doesn’t it always start there? Low and behold my weight is low, despite all of my hard work in Italy. It’s like Jesus Christ, will this ever end, will I … More Serenity

Don’t judge me my needs are just different than yours!!!

I just realized something. Unconsciously, my eating disorder & weight manipulation are ways to show I’m hurting. The blog is a great substitute because it publicizes my shit without compromising my physical health. I know I sound like an attention whore, but I’m just being honest. It would be worse if I denied it. As I write, … More Don’t judge me my needs are just different than yours!!!

The Wheel

Jesus, why am I so anxious today? I’m sitting here in CC’s, at my favorite table by the window, simultaneously absorbing cold brew and the cunning vernacular of Stephen King, but all I can think is, “when will I workout today?” If I don’t workout now, before my 7-hour shift, will I have energy to … More The Wheel

Sexuality

I don’t even know where to begin right now, I’m so conflicted, I have so many mixed feelings, I’m not even sure if I should be blogging this stuff because it doesn’t directly have to do with my eating disorder but then again this blog is about my recovery and health and wellbeing and just … More Sexuality

It’s Ok 

Dear Bella,  It’s ok. It’s okay that you’ve had a rocky week and that yesterday you found out you dropped two pounds and that you were afraid to admit to Jan that you suspected it and that it felt really good and that you really want to keep going in that direction because it’s so … More It’s Ok 

Self vs. Self

Dear Bella, What the fuck is wrong with you? You used to be so strong. I don’t know who you are anymore. Where did you go? Do you remember how beautiful you were? You were so delicate. Like a fairy princess. Nothing on you but skin and bone. A hug could’ve snapped you in half. … More Self vs. Self