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Renewing My Vows

July 2, 2018:

There’s something so exhilarating about sharing your story, something so empowering in owning your truth. I was blessed to experience this phenomenon first-hand when I created “Destination Recovery” last year, on March 2, 2017 . I opened up about my experience with anorexia nervosa, as well as my journeys with depression, anxiety, and OCD respectively. Between sharing my story and committing to my therapy, I was hit with a healing wave. But as this healing progressed and I grew more “okay,” I began to plateau, and from that plateau, I retreated back into myself. I stopped blogging, focusing instead on fictional tales.

I sit here today not recognizing myself, missing the person I became when I started this blog. I’ve somehow convinced myself that my story only matters when it relates to my hardships. But what kind of message does that send to my readers? What kind of message does that send to myself? That self-worth is contingent on personal suffering? That’s not the mantra I wish to convey.

I took a class last semester called “Voicing the Text,” with a very special professor. The takeaway there was to take up space: to take up the space you deserve.  I learned that as human beings, using our voices is our natural right.

I used to have lots of bad days, and I thought that sharing them would help others. But that’s not my full story. I am more than my bad days. This is a recovery blog, god dammit; happiness is the goal!

From here on out, I commit to my story–to every part of my story. I will celebrate the good; I will forgive the bad. But most importantly, I will accept myself exactly as I am. I will love myself unconditionally. And by doing so, I will claim my power. I invite you all to take part in my journey. Start from the beginning, start from the middle, or hell, start right here, at the present. It is an honor to share with each of you. And it is a blessing to grow.

-Bella

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