The Big Leagues of Friendship

A letter to a friend who has made it to the Big Leagues:

Dear Friend:

I’m coming to you live with another open letter because I need to. I need to for the sake of authenticity. I need to because my walls are coming back. I feel them.

Letting you into my recovery scares me, because my recovery is the center of my life. I’m scared to talk to you about it because we live together and it relates to my lifestyle which you have a front row seat to. And I don’t want to over-share about it because I don’t want to make myself the center of attention.

I feel so vulnerable talking about what’s happening now, which is weight gain. I feel so insecure about needing extra snacks, and eating them in front of you. Maybe because it feels out of character? Maybe because I’m not used to it yet? I don’t know. I shared about it in my meeting this morning, and the catharsis of it made me realize I need to share about it with you: consistently, not in fits and starts.

I want to be confident when I interact with you; maybe that’s why I haven’t acknowledged it since our phone call at the end of January, because I just want to things to be better. I want to be my best self. I realize now that includes owning the fact that while my body is getting better, it is not 100% yet – and that’s okay.

I’m devoting lots of energy to body healing affirmations, which works wonders. The one I’m affirming now is, I am proactively healing my body. I am creating a healthy body. My weight is normalizing. I now release all blocks that prevent me from having and maintaining a healthy body, and I am restored to balance.” I made that one myself. It’s truly helping; it’s miraculous.

In closing, I would like to extend an official invitation into this part of my life because I’m lonely and struggling and need your help. And by your help, I mean your friendship.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got. Off we go into the “wild blue yonder” of our friendship.

With love (and vulnerability),
Bella

In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here are entirely my own and may not resonate with everyone; take what you like and leave the rest. If you liked what you read here, I invite you to share it, as these messages are for all.

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