I Exploited Myself: Or Did I? (A Victory for Healthy Bella) "Every day is an opportunity" --B___ A_____. On Tuesday, November 27, 2018 (8 days ago now as I write this), I participated in my college's annual Mental Health Arts Festival. (I say annual, but it's only the second year.) I did so last year... Continue Reading →
A letter from my present self to my future self, a snapshot of a moment in time. Thursday, November 21, 2018: Dear Bella: The odds of your forgetting this moment are slim, as you have a stellar memory (although I cannot predict what might become of it in the future), but I shall recount the... Continue Reading →
As someone who's obsessive-compulsive and anorexic in nature, going with the flow is a challenge. In my mind, planning equals rigidity and rigidity equals relapse. But perhaps there's a way to let planning serve me, in a way that is not rigid. No, you know what? Screw perhaps. There is a way, and it revealed itself this morning.
I'm in a class at NYU right now called The Art of Play, which explores the role of play in human development, in healing from trauma, and in creating performance art. Each week has a focus; for instance, puppetry. Several weeks ago we read Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass and were assigned to create a puppet that... Continue Reading →
I wrote in a recent essay that recovering from my eating disorder is my greatest accomplishment, and my higher self believes that. But my other self, my darker self, sees the opposite as true. It sees my greatest accomplishment as my eating disorder itself. I’ll never forget the moment—I must have been eleven years old—when... Continue Reading →
In case you were wondering, I go to the Disney World of schools: NYU's Gallatin School of Individualized Study, located on the corner of Washington Place and Broadway, where everyone designs their own major. It was here that I took "Voicing the Text," the course I mention in the introduction on my home page and the... Continue Reading →
On the Vulnerability I Feel Post--Post... Vulnerability is hard. It's really fucking hard. And I experienced it heavily in sharing my last post. When I open up, it's hard to move on. I simmer in insecurity, paralyzed by thoughts of my nakedness. Which brings me to the following question…can we express confidence and vulnerability at... Continue Reading →
It's my anniversary. It's my anniversary and I really need a hug. On October 20, 2016, my dad drove me and my mom to the Louis Armstrong International Airport at 4 o'clock in the morning to catch the 6 AM flight to Miami. I packed an apple and 5 nuts for the plane, the bare... Continue Reading →
In her talk, Gabby mentions that “the other person is you.” It’s a yogic concept, one I’ve heard before, though it never resonated in the past. But now I understand it. I identified to hate in this man precisely what I hate in myself. I projected onto him what I fear I exhibit to the rest of the world, which in doing so, I did exhibit. I manifested my greatest fear.