Coming Clean About My Relationship With Food and Food Addiction

For this tale to make sense, you need to understand that I am in recovery from an eating disorder. More than that, actually: two eating disorders. I’ve had long, arduous battles with both anorexia nervosa and, as I prefer to call it, mother-fucking-food-addiction. I have struggled with food addiction since before turning one year old. ... Continue Reading →

Open Letter to Corona

The Healing Power of Imagination Click here to listen on SoundCloud March 22nd, 2020New Orleans, LA As I type, it is 79 degrees in sunny New Orleans. I'm lying on the porch of my childhood home, left leg in pigeon pose, surgical mask and nitrile gloves shielding my skin, in case I carry the... Continue Reading →

Sublime Starvation: Shedding Pounds, Gaining Worth

An Academic Perspective on Eating Disorders - April 2017 When considering eating disorders, the obvious cause is vanity: an insecure teenager girl peruses Cosmopolitan and starves herself to look like the model on the cover. More often than not, however, an eating disorder is a coping skill for deeper pain. Focusing on one’s exterior distracts... Continue Reading →

The Rat Race. The Treadmill.

Every night before I went to bed, I’d plan when to work out the next day, and every morning when I woke up, it was the first thing I thought of. If the treadmill became hard to access, or if I hadn’t had my workout yet, I’d be touchy, agitated, bristly, and hard to talk to. I was like an alcoholic, but rather than needing a drink, I needed the treadmill.

Sexual Confusion

You are what you eat. I want to eat lesbians. I want to taste the rainbow, to eat sexual skittles. I want to be gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, forever. But what if I'm not? What if I'm bi? I have no doubt that my lesbian identity was truthful, but what if I've outgrown it? What if it's too rigid for the person I am now - the whole, expansive person I am now?

A Letter to My Grandmother, 2 Years Passed

Dear Nonna: I do not know your favorite color, so I've chosen to write in red, as it is fierce and strong, like you. I too, Nonna, am fierce and strong, though I'm not sure you truly saw this, as there was a wall between us during your time on Earth. However, now that you've passed from the physical world to the spiritual, I trust that you can see me clearly, and I, in turn, see you.

Imagine (aka, Hope for the Future)

This post is dedicated to the Elle Woods of my own understanding. Imagine a day in the future when you're free from your eating disorder: I live in New York City, in an apartment-style dorm in Greenwich Village. I spend my days studying theatre, communications, art therapy, psychology, nutrition, Spanish, Italian, and Japanese, and I... Continue Reading →

Exhibitionism & the World Wide Web

No boss, no employer, no parent, and no police can ever tell you who you are. To think our fate lies in the hands of a college admissions person or an FBI agent or a potential superior is FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. That's just the game we're playing in this lifetime. The World Wide Web is the theme of the video game that is this century. It's challenging, sure: but we all can handle it.

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