My relationship with my eating disorder is complex to say the least. I often glamorize my eating disorder, romanticizing the "power" it gave me. But I've given it too much credit. It's time to talk about what I've lost. It ravaged all of my relationships and took me out of the moment. I was trapped in a haze of exercise and restriction, and my personality couldn't come out.
It's a rainy Saturday morning. I love the rain. I consider it a shower from the Universe. I would love to have my wedding in the rain. I wouldn't plan it that way, of course. But, if it happened, I would not complain.I would shout, "HOORAY! Thank you, Rain! Thank you for cleansing us on... Continue Reading →
Recovering from my eating disorder required - and still requires - a good PI: the Private Investigator I like to call Personal Inventory. For me, recovery transcends abstinence; abstinence is just one piece of the pie. I can abstain from dieting and restricting and still have disordered thoughts. For me, recovery transcends abstinence. Recovery addresses... Continue Reading →
I believe in miracles. Big miracles and small miracles. I’m particularly grateful for the mini miracles, the ones that occur every day: waking to a message from someone I love, thinking of a person then turning the corner and bumping into them on the street, free coffee from my favorite baristas... Mostly, I'm grateful for... Continue Reading →
It's astonishing how a simple statement like "Prepping for an interview can be a great opportunity to take personal inventory" can be the speech of an eating disorder. Going out of my way to justify how this post will relate to my recovery before giving it a chance to speak for itself, and doing so in the form of a blanket statement which takes the focus off myself, is the disease, not the recovery. It's an act of self-protection so subtle I almost didn't catch it. But, the act of identifying it and exposing here brings me back to recovery.
I read a piece from The Daily Om last week called “Finding Our Life’s Work.” The author, Madison Taylor, writes, “Your most important work in this lifetime may not be your job – it’s a conviction within your soul, recognizable if you allow it to shine.” My life’s work is Recovery and sharing Recovery. So today, I’m here to share recovery.
You're proof to me of the presence and power of love on this planet. I also believe in honesty and aim to practice it in every moment. This is my truth in this moment. So it doesn't matter if my feelings change.
I got proof in that moment of the exchange of abundance. I got proof in that moment of the exchange of love. I got proof that what we put into this world, we really do receive in turn. I got proof that no matter what happens, I am fully supported by life. I need only trust and surrender, and my every need will be met.
Before I was anorexic, I was a compulsive overeater; anorexia was my means of combatting that - admittedly, the wrong solution. However, while I've been quite vocal about my recovery from anorexia, I've been fairly silent about my binging. My binge eating disorder is one of the "disowned parts" of my story and myself.