"I am proactively healing my body. I am creating a healthy body. My weight is normalizing. I now release all blocks that prevent me from having and maintaining a healthy body, and I am restored to balance."-Bella Florence January 30, 2019: It’s 10 o’clock on a Wednesday morning, day 3 of my sophomore spring. 72... Continue Reading →
Let me run through a field in the nightLet me lift from the ground til my soul is in flight.Craig Carnelia, "Flight" Here is the first entry from my "treatment journal," written on the plane to get there. It's simultaneously an account of my last day home and my state of being while "in flight."... Continue Reading →
I want to see myself in a healthy body. I want to see a world where all are healthy and accept their bodies and appreciate their weights. I want to see a world without eating disorders. I want to see a world where people nourish themselves with love.
Intimacy and consent don't just apply to the bedroom. In fact, in order to make it into the bedroom, they first have to manifest in the rest of your life.
While my goals and aspirations no longer pertain to weight loss, they still risk setting me up for failure. That said, I’m wary of setting them now. But I’m also working on balance, and I’ve come to realize that the key ingredient is intention.
Intention is the difference between structure and rigidity, between spontaneity and impulsivity. So that’s what I’ll focus this post on: intention. My current, salient intentions which just happen to coincide with the start of the new year.
I Exploited Myself: Or Did I? "Every day is an opportunity" --B___ A_____. On Tuesday, November 27, 2018 (8 days ago now as I write this), I participated in my college's annual Mental Health Arts Festival. (I say annual, but it's only the second year.) I did so last year as well, debuting "Self VS... Continue Reading →
A letter from my present self to my future self, a snapshot of a moment in time. Thursday, November 21, 2018: Dear Bella: The odds of your forgetting this moment are slim, as you have a stellar memory (although I cannot predict what might become of it in the future), but I shall recount the... Continue Reading →
As someone who's obsessive-compulsive and anorexic in nature, going with the flow is a challenge. In my mind, planning equals rigidity and rigidity equals relapse. But perhaps there's a way to let planning serve me, in a way that is not rigid. No, you know what? Screw perhaps. There is a way, and it revealed itself this morning.
I'm in a class at NYU right now called The Art of Play, which explores the role of play in human development, in healing from trauma, and in creating performance art. Each week has a focus; for instance, puppetry. Several weeks ago we read Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass and were assigned to create a puppet that... Continue Reading →