Vaginas

Am I “less gay” because I came out “late” in adolescence? Of course not. But I feel that I’m received that way.  Yesterday I was walking down the street and I decided to call a family member. At the end of our phone call, out of the blue, they asked that I not “close the doors” on … More Vaginas

Turkey Day

It’s been weeks since I’ve allowed myself to write. More than that. About myself, that is. Now that I’m healthy my words lack meaning. Who wants to hear about how great my life is going? Good art never came from happy people! (No offense to happy artists. Hey, I’m one of them now.) I’m writing … More Turkey Day

Trick or Treat!

Most of my posts these days are quite recovery-oriented, but I want to raise awareness for the uglier parts of the process. In honor Halloween (yeah yeah, I’m one week late, I know), I’m throwing it back to my Halloween in residential treatment. Below is where I was and how I felt that day: October … More Trick or Treat!

Weighed to Perfection

“You’re perfect.” Fuck! Why is “you’re perfect” driving me crazy? That’s obviously the best case scenario, right? But does “you’re perfect” mean “you’re literally perfect, like you’re back in your weight range,” or does it mean, “you’re close, you maintained, you didn’t lose, etc.” ?  Below is what I sent to Jan on Saturday morning: … More Weighed to Perfection

Sobriety

Last week I had the honor of celebrating 33 years of sobriety with my dear family friend, who shall remain anonymous. I joined him at his meeting and heard him and the other honorees speak. Much of what I heard resonated with me, as while we have different vices, their origins are the same. My … More Sobriety

Ride the Wave

Thoughts and urges do come up; that’s what recovery is. In treatment, we practiced a skill called “urge-surfing,” also known as “riding the wave.” The goal is to be with the urges: tune in, give them their space, and finally, let them go. That’s what I’m doing this morning. Enjoy. 9/20/17: I’m having eating disordered thoughts right now. … More Ride the Wave