Imagine (aka, Hope for the Future)

This post is dedicated to the Elle Woods of my own understanding. Imagine a day in the future when you're free from your eating disorder: I live in New York City, in an apartment-style dorm in Greenwich Village. I spend my days studying theatre, communications, art therapy, psychology, nutrition, Spanish, Italian, and Japanese, and I... Continue Reading →

Exhibitionism & the World Wide Web

No boss, no employer, no parent, and no police can ever tell you who you are. To think our fate lies in the hands of a college admissions person or an FBI agent or a potential superior is FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. That's just the game we're playing in this lifetime. The World Wide Web is the theme of the video game that is this century. It's challenging, sure: but we all can handle it.

What I Lost

My relationship with my eating disorder is complex to say the least. I often glamorize my eating disorder, romanticizing the "power" it gave me. But I've given it too much credit. It's time to talk about what I've lost. It ravaged all of my relationships and took me out of the moment. I was trapped in a haze of exercise and restriction, and my personality couldn't come out.

Surrendering and Finding Love

Let me start by saying that I understand. I understand all you expressed in your last letter. I myself struggle with attachment issues, which I have come to define as codependency. I use the word "struggle" carefully, because while it is true that I'm challenged by this "disease" as one may call it - as I myself call it - as I feel and believe that it is -, I consciously choose to operate from the opposite space.

Treatment Goals

On my first day of rehab, I was asked the following: You are taking a big step in your journey towards recovery. How does it feel to take this step? What are your worries? What are you excited about in your transition to our center? Here was my response: I'm learning to love myself and take ownership of my happiness and health. I'm beginning to realize that I am more than my external motivators: more than my accomplishments, more than my activities, more than exercise, and... Continue Reading →

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