It's been a year since I came out. Which happened right here on this blog! But it's been three months since I've written. And I finally know why. *Cue the White Stripes' "Fell in Love with a Girl." Since I haven't posted since March 30, here's a life update for ya: In the past three... Continue Reading →
Ok, here's the deal: my inner critic is on fire. And it's fucking with me. Big time. "Fucking with you big time?" That's hyperbole if I've ever heard some. Good writers make their words stand out. Take, for example, these past few weeks: I unlock my computer, add a new tab, arrive at my site, and hit... Continue Reading →
I just moved into college and I'm feeling lots of feels. I'm sure many of you can relate. I'm distracting myself by staying busy, but I can't deny the discomfort gnawing at me from within. Historically, I would numb out that discomfort by restricting my food intake and compulsively exercising. But a key to recovery is... Continue Reading →
To me, osteoporosis and amenorrhea are my battle scars, the remains of my anorexia, an illness which I have recovered from. The wound has healed and these are the scars. I put my body through hell for two years straight; it’d be naive to think I’d emerge from that unscathed. Look, in a way, it’s good there’s some permanent damage; it’ll teach me not to dance with the devil again.
Jesus, why am I so anxious today? I'm sitting here in CC's, at my favorite table by the window, simultaneously absorbing cold brew and the cunning vernacular of Stephen King, but all I can think is, "when will I workout today?" If I don't workout now, before my 7-hour shift, will I have energy to... Continue Reading →
I don’t even know where to begin right now, I’m so conflicted, I have so many mixed feelings, I’m not even sure if I should be blogging this stuff because it doesn’t directly have to do with my eating disorder but then again this blog is about my recovery and health and wellbeing and just... Continue Reading →
Dear Bella, It's ok. It's okay that you've had a rocky week and that yesterday you found out you dropped two pounds and that you were afraid to admit to Jan that you suspected it and that it felt really good and that you really want to keep going in that direction because it's so... Continue Reading →
I feel like shit today. The hardest part of all of this is accepting that I can't trust the voice inside my head. That I can't trust myself. I'm so afraid of losing control. But I'm also afraid of all the control I have. Somehow, I always seem to get my way. But lately, getting... Continue Reading →