I love being the skinniest girl. I love being the tiniest girl. I can't threaten that. This morning in core we did weight-sharing and Hannah, Julia, and Lily were talking about how I literally weigh nothing, but I'm so strong, and Lily said she sometimes watches me when I run and I look like a fairy "prancing." How am I supposed to gain weight after hearing that?
To me, osteoporosis and amenorrhea are my battle scars, the remains of my anorexia, an illness which I have recovered from. The wound has healed and these are the scars. I put my body through hell for two years straight; it’d be naive to think I’d emerge from that unscathed. Look, in a way, it’s good there’s some permanent damage; it’ll teach me not to dance with the devil again.
I don’t even know where to begin right now, I’m so conflicted, I have so many mixed feelings, I’m not even sure if I should be blogging this stuff because it doesn’t directly have to do with my eating disorder but then again this blog is about my recovery and health and wellbeing and just... Continue Reading →
Dear Body, You sure are powerful. After all the shit I’ve put you through, it’s a miracle you’re still going. I feel so much guilt, regret, and shame for hurting you. I wish I could say it wasn’t intentional, but some of it was. I spent so long hating you and not thanking you for... Continue Reading →